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Choices of the Heart
Episode 9, Season 2 of War Choices of the Heart "I'm so sorry," Badgerstrike meowed gruffly. I regard him wearily. The rest of the squad had a fantastic vacation- or as Shadowsong liked to describe it, hopefully the only time she'll ever seriously consider drowning herself- but Badgerstrike had come back looking haunted. "We're not going back to FireClan," Oakclaw growled. "Not if the Dark Forest froze over." He shot a look at Shadowsong, who had unconsciously moved a step closer to Gorsefur. Badgerstrike looked at his paws, "Well we can't stay or Waterstar will hunt us down." "Well then let's run for it! We can be fugitives and it'll be awesome and we can live outside the law but do things that are just." Oakclaw grew more and more excited by that idea. "Oh please. I'm supposed to be the dumb one and even I know that's moronic." Silverflower rolled her eyes. "That's my girl," Adderscar purred. She shot him an adoring look and Oakclaw and Shadowsong simultaneously made gagging noises. "Can we please move onto the whole killing Firestar again part of this plan?" I ask. Badgerstrike nods, but his eyes seem empty. "Yeah. And Oakclaw, we're not becoming fugitives, killing Waterstar, fleeing to the mountains, or any of the other ideas you're considering blurting out. Now can we move on?" Oakclaw considered this for a moment, then nodded. "Thank StarClan." Badgerstrike nodded to Adderscar. "Plan, go." Adderscar blinked. "We've been there once, and since it's only been a moon and a half, they're likely expecting another attack soon. The guards will be heavily fortified and it would be hard enough for a new patrol to get in, but they know us. That makes it more difficult. I suggest we try what we did last time. We split up and make our way to Firestar's den. With one or two cats in reserve, but for now let's go under the assumption it will be one cat." "Which will be Silverflower, yes?" Oakclaw smirks. Silverflower smacks him and I laugh at her. "Actually," Adderscar meows, "I thought it should be Shadowsong." I thought that at least Shadowsong would have to be restrained, but she just stares at Adderscar with her mouth opening and closing a little. "That's not a bad idea." Badgerstrike nodded. "What?" Shadowsong meowed so softly I could barely hear her. Then louder, "No, Badgerstrike, you can't do that. You need me." "Shadowsong," he meowed gently, "You're one of my best warriors, which is why I need you to stay back. If we fail, you need to finish the job." "If you fail the last thing I will do is take Waterstar with me to an early grave!" Shadowsong shouts before storming off. There's a slight pause. "You'd think we were asking her to do it herself," Adderscar muttered. "Hey," Shadowsong took several deep breaths and tried to nonchalantly wipe her eyes on her paw before turning to face Oakclaw. "Can I help you?" "Shadowsong..." he sat next to her and looked over at her. "It's not your fault they're leaving you." "They're leaving me? You're leaving me too Oakclaw," there was something in her voice that was deeper than this. Oakclaw noticed, but he didn't say anything. "Yeah, but they need me, I mean look at me." Oakclaw looked at her, but she was staring at her paws. "Shadowsong, we don't want you to get hurt." "Then why is Gorsefur going? It's not like he's perfectly normal again." "Yeah, but Gorsefur doesn't flinch every time he sees a FireClan warrior." Shadowsong jerked her head up and stared at him with blazing gold eyes. Oakclaw hated seeing the hurt in her eyes and to be honest the intense rage was also freaking him out a little. "You have no right," she said, standing slowly. "Absolutely no right-" "And there's no one I trust more to finish the job if we all die then you." Oakclaw said in a rush. "You're smart and tough and funny and a tremendous warrior and pretty and you could bite off anyone's tail and make then eat it..." "Well don't make it sound like you're in love with me." Shadowsong rolled her eyes. "But I am." he yowled, caught up in the moment. Almost immediately their eyes met and Shadowsong took a deep breath. "You idiot" she yowled. Oakclaw flinched, then let out a whimper as she tackle him. "Sorry!" he cried. "Why are you doing this the night before you leave and probably die on some stupid mission? Great StarClan you're dense!" Oakclaw's eyes widened just a little more and he purred as Shadowsong touched her nose to his. Silverflower and Adderscar lounged by the winding creek. "Silverflower," Adderscar meowed. "Did you mean what you said? About...not being the smartest?" Silverflower rolled her eyes. "Are we going to do this now? With Badgerstrike and...well, everyone else moping the night before we go get ourselves killed?" "See?" Adderscar let himself purr. Silverflower purred as well, softly. "I know I'm not supposed to be the smart one. I'm the she-cat, the pretty one." "You're not stupid you know," Adderscar meowed. "I know I'm not stupid. But it's still...annoying to have to hear Oakclaw and Shadowsong think they're so clever to joke about how you and...I'' are together." "Cretins," Adderscar muttered. Silverflower laughed. "Look, Adderscar...thank you for sticking up for me. For letting me come. I know I'm not a terrific fighter-" "But you're brave." Adderscar meowed. "I mean, you freaking jumped on the deputy of FireClan's head." Silverflower felt her ears grow hot with pride. "Well, I am pretty great." "That you are." Gorsefur and I walked through the woods. He looked nervous, something I wasn't used to see on his face. And then, he just stopped walking. "Brookfall." "What's up?" I asked, trying to sound friendly. "Look," he meowed, "There's a strong possibility someone's going to die tomorrow. I mean, chances are Shadowsong and Oakclaw are confessing their love while seeing who can do the most lunges and Silverflower and Adderscar are naming their kits. And I just thought that it would be all wrong to let it end without telling you-" "We're not going to die," I tell him, panicking a little. "Well we didn't think that anyone would get caught last time, look how that turned out." I flinch and he does too. "Look, I just can't believe that it's so certain. Because if it was I'd like to think that I would have been smart enough to run off with all of you to the mountains like Oakclaw wanted." Gorsefur purred, then sighed. "We haven't talked about...us." "Us?" I say, my mouth feeling dry. "I know I was all distant after being caught, and then there was Aquasplash and we just kind of...drifted. But Brookfall, you should know that I still have feelings for you. Pretty strong feelings. I didn't know at first because I just...I dunno. But I do now. So?" He looked at me with so much hope and I remember with a pang how flippantly I answered when Silverflower asked, ''"Do you still like Gorsefur?" "I don't think so." I bite my tongue to keep from immediately sobbing at how hopeful he looks. I didn't think it would be like this. I want to scream. I didn't think I would have to look at the tom who I thought I...well, I didn't think I would have to look him in the eyes and tell him that now that he's back from getting tortured because he went to save a friend in need I can't be with him. "Brookfall?" his face starts to fall. Oakclaw told me that Gorsefur used to be a ladies tom. Does he know what's coming. "Gorsefur...I can't do this. Not right now. Please." I didn't tell him no. Not yet. But when he turns away I can see in his eyes how much more it has hurt him, knowing my answer and knowing that I couldn't just tell him. Badgerstrike kicked a pebble into the river. It splunked in and sank to the bottom. He stared after it. What do I do? What do I do what do I do whatdoidowhatdoido? What are you supposed to say when your best friend offers to take you back, take you away from the leader who brutalized and betrayed you, the Clan that shamed you, the life you never really enjoyed after he left? Badgerstrike remembered so many days in the meadow, playing and laughing in the face of a war bigger then either of them could imagine. The war that made Rowanfur out to be a monster and made Badgerstrike a traitor. Badgerstrike buried his face in his paws. He had a seemingly impossible task ahead of him. "Badgerstrike?" He looked up. Adderscar was standing in front of him. He would have to leave his squad, he realized. To be fair, he didn't really like most of them. Well, that was a lie. They were his kits. His squabbling, petty, annoying kits. "Badgerstrike?" Adderscar was peering at him now, his expression of euphoria turning to one of concern. "Freaking out over the battle?" "Yeah," Badgerstrike nodded. It hurt, lying, to Adderscar especially, who had been his protégé every bit as much as Gorsefur had. "You're lying," Adderscar narrowed his eyes. "Badgerstrike, what's going on? There's something you're not telling us. Something happened in Main, or on the way back, but you told us all about Waterstar so it had to have been something on the way back, right?" He wants me to tell him he's wrong, Badgerstrike thought. But he just stared at Adderscar. "Badgerstrike, you have to tell me what's going on." Adderscar meowed pleadingly. "Please Badgerstrike. Please." And then it wasn't Adderscar, but Rowanfur looking at Badgerstrike. "Please, you're my best friend. What did I do wrong?" "I'm so sorry," Badgerstrike whispered. Adderscar looked a little disturbed. "Badger-?" But Badgerstrike was already moving. He slammed his paw into Adderscar's throat, right on the wound he'd gotten while saving Silverflower. Adderscar slumped to the ground, unconcious. "I'm so sorry." Badgerstrike whispered. The day of the mission dawned cold but sunny. Shadowsong and Oakclaw came out of the woods looking happier then I've ever seen either of them. I try not to think about that too much. Silverflower looks around nervously for Adderscar who is absent. Gorsefur sits as far away from me as is possible without being suspicious. Badgerstrike came into the clearing looking dazed, like he hadn't slept all night. "Ready?" "Adderscar's not here," Silverflower says shrilly. "He came to my den last night saying he was sick. I'd postpone the mission, but with Waterstar after us it seemed best to tough through." Silverflower deflated and Shadowsong perked up. "Does that mean I can come?" Badgerstrike eyed her for a moment, then rolled his eyes, "Sure. But if you freak out on me, so help me StarClan...." "I won't." Shadowsong snuck a glance at Oakclaw. "Don't worry." "You seem much better." Oakclaw meowed to Badgerstrike. "From yesterday, I mean." "Yes. I feel better." Badgerstrike looked at his paws, the back to us. "Now who's ready to go kick FireClan tail?" Category:Artimas Hunter's Fanfics